So my speech therapist told me that the process of getting your voice back requires you to re-accustom your lips, vocal cords, jaw and larynx to making all the different sounds that make up speech. You start with the simple ones, and you work up to the more demanding ones.
But what she never mentioned is that they’re all so silly!
For instance, I had to start by hissing – no sound required, but I did a good imitation of an angry swan. Then I graduated to humming – gently at first, but working up to a spectacular full-blast hum like a deranged organist from an old horror film.
Then there’s an exercise where I have to make the sound of a puppy whining, and another where I’m a mosquito approaching and then receding. There’s the long slow rhythmical ‘ssshhh’ like the waves rolling up and down the shore. I have to make the sound of a car getting closer and then vanishing into the distance. And a ringing telephone. Then to open my throat a bit wider – pretend to sob.
So I spend most of my day sounding as though I’m in some sort of strange radio play. It’s the story of a little puppy playing on the seashore. He’s being chased by a mosquito – and by a swan too! But wait a minute, what’s that … is it a speeding car getting closer ? Uh-oh! Cut to a ringing telephone in a house. Someone is humming happily to themselves. They pick up the phone. Extended sobbing follows. The End.
Anyway, when I’m not fantasising about a career doing the backing for those Bad Afternoon Plays on Radio 4, I keep thinking about how hard it must be to get your voice back if you take yourself too seriously! Don’t some people struggle to hiss and whine ? What if you’re not happy playing with the whole swan-fridge-mosquito thing ?
Of course it’s particularly heartening for me to have it confirmed that there are some really important things in life that you just can’t do unless you’re willing to be slightly ridiculous.
Maybe this is the start of a really intriguing list …